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Me? A girlfriend? Wow.
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4:46PM, Friday, 03 Jul, 2009
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So my boss's part last Friday was a fabulous success, although we were sad to see quite a bunch of our colleagues leaving. But now we have new interns. There are officially two Kelly's and a Kerry on our team - talk about confusing! It's fun...
On the relationship front... Suddenly, I'm facing all these questions about my worth as a girlfriend. Am I a good girlfriend? Will we work? Should I open up more?
Aaaargh! It's so hard to know what makes him tick. I feel like I have to uproot my identity to suit him. Does everyone feel this pressure?
Quite a few people I know change who they are in relationships. For example, "He doesn't like me smoking, so I never do it around him," one of my colleagues confided.
"Yeah, I know what you mean (my hubby) complains I drink too much," another colleague responds.
I've realised that even when I'm in a relationship, I'm still single-minded. I'm used to not being accountable to anyone. I'm used to not having to schedule my time off around someone else. Maybe I'm not romantic enough? Maybe I should be more compromising? Maybe... Shit. I don't want to think about it anymore.
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Stress is overrated...
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5:27PM, Wednesday, 01 Jul, 2009
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So we've had a hectic crazy busy day at the office. We have three new interns, and there's only two of us in the office. Needless to say, it was pretty daunting. Plus, it's our Big Day of the Week, when we send a newsletter out. Talk about a bucketload of work.
In preparation for this, I went to visit Thomas yesterday and chilled all evening, just chatting over Magnum ice-creams. Overall, it was a lovely evening.
The great thing about a day like this, is that you're so involved, you don't even have time to think about it. Getting started is really the hard part. But before you know it, it's 5 o'clock and time to go home. Except I'm not going home.
Because I've booked an evening function with my friend and colleague. She mentioned something about food/snacks/drinks... and I'm looking forward to chilling. Lovely lovely day. Meags, baby, we did it!FABULOUS!
Now I feel like I can handle anything that comes my way!
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Super duper lovin'
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4:50PM, Friday, 26 Jun, 2009
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Was totally in the mood for some suga yesterday. Blame it on the wine... okay, only had four glasses (maybe five) so I might actually have been under the influence of Superhot Thomas.
Yep, I was just about ready to rip his shirt open and... hm... let me not continue that train of thought. Anyways, he realised I'm toasted, dropped me off home safely and then I got into bed (alone) with my book. Yep. Like an old lady.
Strange thing is? I'm glad. Because I might have totally woken up and regretted it today. (You know it happens to the best of us). And the longer I just hang out and talk to him, the hotter he is. How weird is that?
Anyways, am off to my boss's house for dinner. Here's my silent prayer for the evening...
Lord, let me not say something stupid. Please steer conversation away from my favourite topics of conversation because I might just land up crying or being blerrie miserable.
Give me grace to walk out of the house without stumbling.
Keep my swearwords to a minimum - or, if possible, eradicate them altogether.
Please, Lord, help me resist the tequila temptation.
Don't let me discover an unknown allergenic tonight and I pray the food tastes good, so when I say, 'Hm... Delicious!' I actually mean it.
Bless me with the ability to sip my wine, quietly and happily in a corner without feeling the urge to dance or do any other number of horribly potentially embarrassing actions.
And finally, let's PARTY!
Amen
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Positive outlooks...
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4:48PM, Thursday, 25 Jun, 2009
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I'm not quite sure what happened to mine. I must have let it slip somewhere along the line...
I've been feeling down lately, for absolutely no good reason. I mean, nothing much has changed in my life, but I'm feeling a bit more bummed. Like nothing really matters.
Went to a poetry session with a friend and colleague yesterday and there was a poet who spoke about slavery, being slaves to money, selling our time to someone else, for too little... and while I still love my work, I can't help feeling like I've lost <i>That Spark</i>. That "Ooooh! Life is soooooo good" feeling, that jolt of energy and extra bounce in my step and extra joy in my laughter. I feel (dare I say this?)...
boring. Yep. Boring. Stale. Not old, just bleh.
If I think about it carefully, the only time I feel exciting is when I'm drunk. Which comes with an awful lot of consequences because I am, in fact, a terrible drunk. Although I plan to be drunk tonight (don't you admire my honesty).
Then again, there's nothing more pathetic than a boring, sad, soppy, teary-eyed drunk, is there? So, should you see me, simply avoid eye-contact and we'll all be happier tomorrow.
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Ooooh, major major fuck-up
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7:55PM, Wednesday, 24 Jun, 2009
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Oh, what a day. What a day! Ever had one of those major work fuck-ups at work? Well, I didn't. Until today that is.
Let me kindly side-step the issue of what the fuck-up actually was, since it involved some thousand odd people, and skip right into the moment of panic. I swear I stopped breathing.
I think my mind caved in gently on itself.
Then I couldn't get the words out.
Then I had to (Oh oh) TELL MY BOSS.
So, I nervously (and sheepishly) crept up to her side of the office wringing my pen (Yep, I was that nervous), and let the words exhale out of my system.
I waited, with bated breath for her to stand up and shred me to pieces. I saw the look of anxious panic cross her face. I froze. Felt my throat choke up. (No, not to cry, but because my adrenaline was hinting at the run - not fight - option).
After a horrific moment, she handed me the pig of shame, noted that it wasn't the end of the world. And I've been laughing in relief since. Seriously. I'm still laughing.
I think I'm breathing. Am I? Yes. I think. Right? Right.
P.S. Sorry for the irregular blog-posts, but I have tons of backlog to get through. Which I created for myself. Am peeling away at it steadily.
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